Lessons & Liars

He and her other half started out as friends and somehow ended up trying to find their way down each other’s pants full of guilt and shame, knowing that what they were doing was wrong.

What could she say she was feeling? The tears came often, the amount of sorrow was too deep for one to feel. She didn’t feel the urge to eat or to exist because everything made her think of him and what they did to her.

But something would change, something always changes, she knew that. He wasn’t the same anymore, they couldn’t be the same anymore.

Lying on the bed, he held her in his arms while telling her he’d have another woman in those same sheets. It was something she couldn’t forget about; it felt like a stab to her heart. Yet even when she cried in front of him, in comparison he would feel nothing….

She never would’ve guessed so many loved ones would shatter her understanding of relationships.

Six days after New Year’s, the news was revealed to her, but her other half was only half of the source. The final curtain later unveiled he had invited her other half to his house alone because she didn’t go see him. Like a tidal wave; coherent thought was washed away and no way left to process the incoming disaster.

For a second time her other half tried to get with the only man she’s ever loved. Not only that but lied about doing it when telling her and never felt guilty.

She started to be engulfed by sadness. At the memory of them, every thought of her other half betraying her time and again and boyfriends and exes falling for it each time.

Twins are an enigma; she and her other half share each other’s DNA, fingerprints like genetic make-up. Why were men such pigs? Why was her other half so tempted by such pigs?

She wondered all these things; most days, feeling like the monster on the hill. Lurking over a village of little people. She felt like an oddity.  To have been compared to her other half for so many years, never achieving the standard of beauty her other half had been at for years. She never felt enough, goofy at best.

Alas even though she put up with his shitty behavior, even made excuses for her other half. Played too nice in order to keep a semblance of peace. It was necessary no longer. Truths have no reason to be hidden. Truths always reveal themselves.

So she’d find a man who didn’t make her feel inadequate and ride till the dawn arrived. She’d build her own career and success without the help of anyone let alone a man. She wouldn’t allow her twin flame to burn everything in her life over jealousy of finite things like beauty and men. For once, with all the bullshit and chaos of this world and her life, she felt like enough.

In fact, she knew she was enough. Thanks to the two people she loved most. The ones who stabbed daggers into her heart taught her the most important lesson of all.