One of Those Girls

Truthfully she never thought she’d be one of those girls. The kind of girl she hated as she’d watch her walk down the hallways in school. The girls who felt like truly her best friend and somehow ended up dating some ignorant uncultured redneck with little exposure to the world.

She couldn’t understand how these accepting, soft caring women ended up with the type of men they do. He’d be the first for her, the one that changed all her rules. She’d have to learn to lie, cover up for him and defend him like her life depended on it. She’d learn to forgive him after each time he’d lay his hands on her.

“It was a joke Gia relax”

“it was an accident.”

“I just wanted you to come in the bathroom with me.”

“I didn’t even grab you that hard”

“You’re being dramatic”

“You know I’d never hurt”

“You know I love you Gia”

“Gia I’m not that bad, I am not abusive”

“You know I’m not like that”

“I don’t remember doing that”

“I was in a great mood and now you won’t let it go”

“We were having a good time and you ruined it”

He never did raise his voice at her, he never outwardly hit her across the face like she expected to believe it would happen. Maybe that’s why it left her hurt and confused for so long. She’d never label him as abusive, it just wasn’t like that…right?

But the little things were adding up, and her tears could make an ocean with the pain he caused her in that one year of her life. She often wondered was it better to be ashamed of and hidden with him or public and shown off yet pushed around behind the scenes every time he got a little too drunk.

And that was just the thing, she saw the worst of him when alcohol was involved and yet rarely was alcohol not involved. The fear she’ll do something to piss him off when he’s drinking so she baby’s him pretending he isn’t a ticking time bomb.

This wasn’t the life she was meant to live, to question whether a man who supposedly loved her was abusing her or not? She shouldn’t have those thoughts at all, it shouldn’t be a question.