To all the boys I’ve ever sucked

To all of the boys who’ve touched my body, do you still think about how I felt? Bet you’re still reminiscing about wanting me back. Even every awkward moment, the sloppy kissing in cars, fumbling to stick it in. To all of the boys who never brought me out in the daylight, it’s a shame because you’re missing out. To all of the boys who never wanted more but kept trying to get my body over and over again. To only use my mouth when it’s convenient for you, a reusable hole to suck you dry with.

To all of the boys, your testosterone is showing and your lust for an ejactulation is repulsive. All of the nice things you said to get me into your bed, they used to work so well. To all of the boys buying me liquor, a few shots of tequila used to make me dance for you. I craved your validation as you craved my ass on the dance floor.

Here’s to you, all the boys that made me feel momentarily good enough to give my body to them. To all the late nights I spent awake past midnight, all the miles I drove in my car for you. To all the Red Bulls I drank to stay awake on my rides home.

Will you look back and say it was all worth it? I bet you’ll never forget it even though I’ve forgotten many of your names. In my head, you’re nothing but your dick to me, bet I would recognize your cock before I could remember your face.

To all the boys who never took me on a date, why was it you thought I was easy? Not worth respecting, just treating like a prostitute thing is I rarely got paid. What about my face or the way I dressed said “treat me terribly, I beg of you.”

To all the boys I dedicated hours of dick sucking too, you were never worth it. The hours on my knees, sucking until my jaw became locked. Yet it was still my fuel, this toxic relationship with needing to suck on a dick no matter the place or shitty man to fuel my ego and worth.

I’ve finally learned to value more than what my mouth can do. Learned to cover a little more at times to intrigue men to want more. Stopped selling myself short and sending nudes to men who weren’t going to do anything but whack off to my pics. Actually stopped sending nudes at all, stopping showing myself fully naked unless I am getting paid or it’s for my boyfriend.

To all the boys I’ve ever sucked you’ve brought me here, I thank you and simultaneously let go of you. I release you back to the dehumanizing world you choose to live in and keep myself